


Prank Me Once, Fool Me Twice

by buckysbears (DrZebra)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Multi, Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:16:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5552066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrZebra/pseuds/buckysbears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was meant for Daisy,” Fitz lamented, eyes blown with nerves and hands shaking. “It was meant only for Daisy. May wasn’t even supposed to be there.” </p>
<p>Fitz wouldn’t rank this as the biggest mistake of his life, but it was definitely up there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prank Me Once, Fool Me Twice

**Author's Note:**

> From the anon prompt: "Fitz plays a prank on May and Skye, and all three are targets in revenge"

“It was meant for Daisy,” Fitz lamented, eyes blown with nerves and hands shaking. “It was meant _only_ for Daisy. May wasn’t even supposed to be there.”

Bobbi crossed her arms, still looking like some furious goddess even with her hair purple. It certainly wasn’t distracting Fitz, not at all, who was barely stumbling out a word under the wrathful gaze of the two women. She sighed, slowly, deliberately, out her nose. “Walk us through it.”

“Don’t leave anything out,” Jemma warned, and Fitz shrunk back into the couch.

“There wasn’t supposed to be any harm,” he defended, rubbing the back of his neck, “it was just green dye.”

“From the beginning.”

Fitz sighed, and started his story.

–

Daisy had put sugar in his sandwich meat instead of salt.

Fitz paused thoughtfully around a mouthful of his lunch, hands slowly dropping back to his desk. Joke was on her, it didn’t taste too bad.

He schemed while eating the sandwich, tongue working around the odd mix of flavors, brainstorming the next retaliation in his and Daisy’s battle of pranks. It’d been going on for months, just tiny, inconspicuous little things to throw the other off their game. Switching the salt and sugar, the shampoo and conditioner. Putting toy spiders in underwear drawers. That kind of thing.

Fitz was ready to step it up a notch. Not a huge notch, just a little one, enough that it could actually be said to be a prank war instead of a prank … skirmish? Skirmish. They were in a prank skirmish but Fitz was aiming for bigger battles.

It had to include the green food dye they’d used for Hunter’s birthday cake, that he knew. But how and when was the question.

He jotted down some ideas as he finished his lunch, filing them away for later and diving back into his work.

–

A very, very tiny explosive, was what he decided on. But, just to be fancy (and to be safe) he was including face recognition and eye tracking software in a small camera mounted above it. The explosive would only go off if it recognized Daisy, and saw her looking directly at it. She’d be lured into a false sense of security and them BAM. Green dye everywhere.

He put it in the coat closet nearest the hangar, where the team stored heavy duty winter gear, knowing that Daisy was soon to be returning from a mission in Siberia. He tucked himself away in his room with a surveillance feed of the hallway when she returned, only mourning that the feed wasn’t in full color (he was sure he’d be seeing her in person soon enough, and he would definitely be getting a photo when he did).

He sat straighter as he finally spotted her stalking down the hallway, shoving off her coat with a gracelessness that he hadn’t seen from her in ages.

Oh. Maybe the mission didn’t go so well. Fitz shook off the bad feeling growing in the pit of his stomach as May walked around her, hanging up her own coat and whipping around to snap at Daisy.

Maybe he should have installed a remote lockdown on the little device.

“You should have been more careful-“ May was saying, concern clear under the anger that seemed carefully constructed on her face.

“I didn’t know he would be there,” Daisy snapped back, finally wresting off the sleeve of the coat, waving with it as she talked. “If you think that was my fault somehow-“

“I don’t,” May sighed.

“-like God forbid I’m not omniscient-“

“Daisy-“

“-I don’t even know what you want from me anymore. You’ve been riding my ass these last few missions and sure, this one didn’t go well, but I can’t take everything hanging on me all the time.”

“Okay,” May said, resting a hand briefly on Daisy’s arm, which settled her immediately. Fitz could see both of their shoulders slump from the two camera angles he was privy to, one focused insistently on the side of Daisy’s face. “Rest for a little while. We’ll debrief in an hour and then maybe we can grab a drink.”

“Alright,” Daisy replied, hanging her head slightly. She turned to hang up her coat, pausing when she noticed a little black dot on her hangar.

The device went off with a little _pop_ , and Daisy gave a short scream as she pushed herself back into May, both of them suddenly dripping with green. Fitz could feel the beads of sweat begin to gather on his forehead as May slowly blinked, raising a hand to wipe a stripe of dye off her cheek.

She rubbed the green between her fingers. “Fitz?”

“Yeah,” Daisy breathed, her mouth still in a surprised ‘O’.

“Good.” May looked almost serene. He was so dead. She walked away and Fitz let out a ragged sigh. By the tiny grin that had begun to pull its way onto her mouth, he could’ve swore Daisy heard it all the way from the coat closet.

He was so dead.

–

“But she’s going after us instead?” Jemma surmised, angrily swiping her fingers through her hair.

Fitz just nodded, unsure how to tell her she still had peanut butter on her neck.

“That doesn’t make any sense, we didn’t have anything to do with this. She should be getting _you_ back, not us,” she grumbled, looking decidedly taller when she was hovering over Fitz on the couch, hands on her hips.

“She is getting him back,” Bobbi decided, eyes narrowed and deadly, “She targets us so we target Fitz, since it was all his fault. She knows we can do a lot worse to him than she can.”

Jemma’s lips dropped open in a quiet gasp, positively delighted, “Oh that’s very true. That’s smart, good on May.”

“We aren’t going to let her win, are we?” Fitz chuckled, nervous and desperate. “I mean she was still the ones that did this to ya and I don’t know if she’s going to stop.”

“Oh, she’ll stop when she gets what she wants.” Jemma nodded, mentally catching up with May’s plan. “And that’s for you to get just punishment. As long as we go along with that, we’re in the clear.”

“Punishment?” Fitz groaned, closing his eyes against Bobbi’s wicked grin.

“Oh yeah,” she almost purred, wrapping an arm around Jemma and settling the both of them into the opposite side of the couch. She flicked on the tv and started flipping through channels. “What do you think we should watch, hun?”

“Did you have something in mind, babe?”

“I was actually thinking some Lifetime channel, dear.”

“Oh that sounds splendid, love.”

Fitz groaned again, long and heavy, tipping his head back against the back of the couch. He hated Lifetime movies. They were awful and he always cried.

Jemma and Bobbi tangled themselves together a few feet away from him. Bobbi gave him a meaningful glare as she kissed the side of Jemma’s head, one hand slipping under her shirt.

“So this isn’t just gonna be a bedroom thing, is it?” Fitz whined, raising his complaints as Jemma turned the sound up on the television.

“You bet your pasty arse it’s not.” 

Fitz took a moment to mourn his foreseeable future as he settled in to watch the movie, falling back into brainstorming mode—this time a way to get back into the good graces of one Melinda May.


End file.
